Thanks for the response and honesty, Kenneth. Personally, I’m glad you chose to stay alive, but I’ve been where you are too. I think most people at some point have believed the pain would be less or that they’re better off dead. Although, even in the midst of pain, I do like what Viktor Frankl said:
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Coming from an Auschwitz survivor, it’s a powerful statement and resonates with what you said in regard to freedom of choice. We are in control over our body and actions to a degree and you can’t stop someone from ultimately choosing to take their life. But we can help create pauses I think. A friend shared about a funeral he attended where the mother explained to her children that their father’s suicide was an “accident.” At first, he was horrified. But she went on to explain that he had his good days and bad days. Often times during his bad days he’d remember to focus on his children and eventually he’d go weeks or months not wanting to kill himself. She told her kids that “Daddy, just forgot was all” and succumbed to a bad day.
All that to say, I hope you keep living. And if the dark days come again, maybe remember your daughter who helped pull you from the brink in the past.