Hi nnena. First, I’m so sorry for you loss and know that’s incredibly difficult. As I don’t know you or your situation I couldn’t say whether or not you’re going through depression or acedia, but it sounds more like you’re still in the grieving process and that can take a while. And often depression is a stage of grief. Typically when we lose a loved one or close friend, we go through the 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

I think a book that would really speak to you and your situation is one I’ve personally read that was powerful. It’s called Option B: facing adversity, building resilience, and finding joy. The woman who wrote it tragically lost her husband and talks a lot about grief and fighting to grow stronger from it. I think you’ll resonate a lot.