Gigi, I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to lose a spouse. I’m very sorry for your loss. You asked if you were only delaying the inevitable. I think that’s what suicide prevention is honestly. Delaying someone from taking their life inevitably. Sometimes you win and they keep living, but sometimes the best efforts don’t pan out. For me, it’s always been creating pause.
I explained this in a response to another reader about a story I heard. A friend shared about a funeral he attended where the mother explained to her children that their father’s suicide was an “accident.” At first, he was horrified. But she went on to explain that he had his good days and bad days. Often times during his bad days he’d remember to focus on his children and eventually he’d go weeks or months not wanting to kill himself. She told her kids that “Daddy, just forgot was all” and succumbed to a bad day.
For me, and perhaps you, we can view it as your husband just succumbing to a bad day. Thank you for your honesty and sharing.