Dop, I think most boys have a similar experience. It’s weird because living in Texas we learn at an early age to hunt for food/vermin control (we have a hog problem), but they also teach young boys what not to kill. At some point, we kill something we shouldn’t have or wound something and the experience weighs heavily. Later I remember using a slingshot and hit a bird. I freaked out when I saw the animal lying on the ground, and ran to get my dad (who was a nurse), when we got back the bird was gone and I was relieved. Anyway, all this to say, I don’t know what the answer is but I know part of it revealing more of what we struggle through in ways we feel and understand without having to apologize for it.