CHARLENE, thanks for sharing openly and honestly about your background and current journey. I think where you’re at is a really beautiful place, because I’ve been there too. Like you, I was raised in a Christian home, but I never believed. It was just kind of this thing we did on Sundays. Granted my parents believed, but I was skeptical and cynical and by age 16 I’d left the church and wouldn’t return until I was almost 28. Even then I was hesitant and skeptical. But doubt is vital to faith as is the journey. It was a journey for me, and I get upset when Christians don’t let other people have the space to let God do his business and let people doubt.
I had a friend once ask me if he knew the woman he married was the right choice. He’d never doubted it in the past, but recently he had doubts. First, I welcomed him to the club, but then I told him this:
Doubt is important in that it addresses areas of uncertainty and forces you to search for answers. It’s when you stuff the doubt that eventually it can poison the well. Some days you will simply have to make a choice to love your wife despite the doubt. And that, my friend, is what we call faith. Despite the unforeseen, despite the doubt, faith hopes in our spouses and even the difficult circumstances we face in life. Without doubt, faith cannot exist.
All this to say, keep searching. Keep questioning. You’ll find your answer and I have great hope that it’ll be the one you are—indeed—looking for. Best to you and your family!